


The Last Time I Break

by nickel_1321



Category: Bleach
Genre: F/F, Pre-Winter War (Bleach), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22457821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickel_1321/pseuds/nickel_1321
Summary: Suì-Fēng is at a loss of what to do after her loss to Yoruichi 100 years later. Yoruichi is at a loss for how to tell Suì-Fēng of her feelings.
Relationships: Shihouin Yoruichi/Sui-Feng | Soifon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	The Last Time I Break

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, it's been a while since I was last here. I'm in a creative writing class and it's sparked my interest in writing fanfiction again so here we are.

“Why...Why didn’t you take me with you?” The words were choked out by a broken Suì-Fēng and hit Yoruichi like a cero. Yoruichi couldn’t answer her, she thought leaving the girl behind would make her life easier contain less pain than taking her with her. After seeing her break down like this Yoruichi can’t help but blame herself for completely breaking another human being. Once Suì-Fēng got her sorrow out she grabbed her captain's haori and shunpoed back to the 2nd Division Barracks even before Yoruichi could unfreeze from looking at the shattered girl. Realizing she still needed to help Ichigo she made her way to the Senkaimon where she felt Ichigo and Byakuya still fighting.  
Suì-Fēng sat on the roof of her office for hours not caring about anything and not feeling anything at all. She worked for 100 years...100 long pain-filled years for one purpose and she still failed. ‘Maybe… I’m just not meant to succeed in life. Heh, I mean think about it, I’ve endured some of the worst pain and when I thought the pain couldn’t get worse, it did. I’ve almost stopped feeling it at this point. The only purpose my life served as is now useless. I failed. What was the point anymore?’ Suì-Fēng sat and thought like this for hours on end while the rest of the Soul Society fought and was being overthrown and whatever else.  
Suì-Fēng sensed something strange happening at the Senkaimon and tried to stop Aizen from making off with the Hogyoku, but she failed at that too. ‘Huh imagine that I fail at this too.’ Once they were gone and everyone was trying to figure out where to go from here, she made her way back to her office to get away from everything as fast as possible as she came to a decision.  
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Yoruichi tried to find Suì-Fēng after the Aizen incident since she clearly saw the girl get up close and personal with the man moments before. Her spiritual pressure was gone though, she didn’t understand how she got away so easily or why she left so suddenly but she’d figure it out later. She spent the next few hours helping to fill everyone in on what was happening with Aizen and where the Soul Society should go from here. When it was dusk she made her way over to Unohana in the 4th Division from some advice.  
“Hey, Unohana long time no see.”  
“Oh, Yoruichi, I heard you were back in the Soul Society. It must really have been one hell of a day if you’re here.”  
“Hah, as blunt as ever I see.”  
“Well not to be rude, but what is it that you need? We were never particularly close even back when you were a captain.”  
“Ahah, about that... I actually came for some advice. I ran into Suì-Fēng and I never realized just how bad I broke her. I want nothing more, now that I’m allowed back in the Soul Society, to make up lost time with her. She didn’t deserve what I did to her and I know she hates me now, but-”  
“Yoruichi. I can tell that you care about her since you truly want to make things right with her. I will tell you this though, the only thing that kept her going for the past 100 years is her burning hatred for you, it gave her strength. I feel deep down she still wants to continue where you left off, but now that what kept her going is fading she probably is struggling with what to do next. I don’t know her as well as you do even after all the time that has passed, but I’m sure she will be at peace with what’s happened.”  
“Thank you Unohana you don’t know how much I appreciate your advice. I really want nothing more than to be back together with her, I know she won’t ever believe me but I missed her more than I ever thought possible. There were some nights where it physically hurt... Sorry, I didn’t mean to start gushing there, I should be going.” Yoruichi made her way over to the window to leave but not before Unohana had one final thing to say.  
“Yoruichi, I would keep that fact that you love her under wraps until you’ve the timing seems right,” Unohana stated with a shit-eating smirk, one that Yoruichi didn’t even know she was capable of producing. Yoruichi blushed a deep shade of crimson knowing she was right.  
“R-right, ahem I should get going.” Yoruichi still wasn’t good with people pointing out the fact that she was in love with Suì-Fēng. She realized it sometime after she had left the Soul Society. The pain of leaving her and all her other emotions lifted a curtain that had been covering how she truly felt. Once she understood that, she had been trying to find some excuse to get back into the Soul Society to see her. It just so happened that helping Ichigo infiltrate the Soul Society was the best excuse to do so.  
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By the time she had finished her conversation with Unohana it was already dark. She knew that she needed to talk with the girl before she went to bed so she started making her way over to the 2nd Division barracks.  
Suì-Fēng had made up her mind as to what she was going to do about her recent defeat. She made her way into the forest a few miles not even caring to hide her spiritual pressure. Once far enough away that she was satisfied she unsheathed her zanpaktō. “Sting all enemies to death, Suzumebachi.” She had made the choice of what she thought was the only way out from the hell she had lived today.  
“-to death, Suzumebachi” was what Yoruichi had heard as she got to where she felt Suì-Fēng’s spiritual pressure. When she felt the girl’s spiritual pressure going in another direction she began to follow while concealing her own. She followed her into the forest and saw the girl transform her zanpaktō into its’ released form. When she had caught up and saw no one else around she was a little confused as to why she released Suzumebachi but chalked it up to training. What she didn’t expect was for her to actually use it on herself.  
“This is it huh?” Suì-Fēng stated as she looked at her zanpaktō. She held it out in front of her and stabbed right in the middle of her abdomen. She grimaced at the pain but at least she felt something. She had heard a yelp but was already going in for the second strike but was stopped by two tan hands that were gripping her hand as tightly as they possibly could. There were tears on Suì-Fēng’s hands and she looked up to see Yoruichi crying and looking at her with so much pain behind her eyes.  
“Why… Why would you ever try to do this? Why would you try to kill yourself?! Tell me! Please…” Yoruichi didn’t even really know how to respond to this turn of events.  
“...” Suì-Fēng had no response to offer her.  
“Suì-Fēng! Why?! Please talk to me about this!” Her grip had tightened on the girl’s wrist. She didn’t even know she was capable of doing so.  
“... It was the only decision I could come to” Suì-Fēng stated flatly. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen Yoruichi cry, but she didn’t like the sight even after her hatred growing for 100 years.  
“And why is that? Make me understand your thoughts, I want to help you.” Yoruichi was still crying but she was having a hard time making eye contact with the girl.  
“Sigh. What other choice did I have? I spent the last 100 years of my life tending to a fire of hatred for one purpose. I failed. I failed at stopping Aizen, not to my surprise since I had already lost my feelings.” Suì-Fēng knew there was no way out of this other than just compiling and answering her questions. She didn’t care though, it’s not like she feels any shame anyway.  
“I- I’m sorry. I know that being defeated by me has broken you to this point. Aizen’s escape isn’t on your shoulders though, not even the head captain could stop him! What do you mean that you’ve lost your feelings?” Yoruichi desperately wanted to pour out apology after apology but waited until after she had a little more details to do that.  
“I’m… empty. I haven’t felt anything besides the pain of Suzumebachi since my defeat. I’m not even sure I’m still human.” Suì-Fēng was completely honest with Yoruichi for the simple fact that there was no reason not to be.  
“Suì-Fēng…” Yoruichi looked into the girl’s eyes so that she knew she was listening. “I know my apologies will mean nothing to you. I know nothing I say to you now will mean anything to you, but I’m going to say them anyway even if it’s just so that I can finally say them out loud to myself as well. I’m so sorry Suì-Fēng, I’m so fucking sorry. I know you won’t believe me but I missed you. I missed you so damn bad. Some nights it hurt me physically how bad I missed you. I thought what I was doing was protecting you and that leaving you meant that you could have a pleasant life in the Soul Society. I thought I made the right choice but then I saw how much I broke you in our fight today. I questioned everything and if I made the right decision after all. When you told me that what kept you going for the past 100 years was your hatred for me, my heart has never dropped to my stomach faster. That wasn’t what was supposed to happen. You were supposed to have lived a wonderful life and be happy, not motivated by hatred and hatred alone.”  
Even though Suì-Fēng thought she had lost all feeling she was still shocked by the outpouring emotions from Yoruichi. She had never seen the woman like this before. She knew that deep even though she thought Yoruichi's words would be meaningless, they were affecting her more and more with everything the woman said.  
“But Suì-Fēng, seeing you want to take your own life broke something inside of me. I felt as though everything in my life was meaningless, everything I’d done up till now was for nothing. Honestly, I don’t think I’d be able to move on if you died. I love you too damn much for you to die like this. I can’t let you do-”  
“Wait, what did you just say?” Suì-Fēng couldn’t have heard that right. She could have sworn she just heard Yoruichi say she loved her. That can’t be right… right?  
“... I-” ‘Damn it! I didn’t mean to confess to her! I couldn’t control my emotions that are outpouring!’  
“Ahem, I said I love you Suì-Fēng” There was a silence that hung in the air making Yoruichi tense up.  
‘She… She loves me…’ Suì-Fēng felt something, she actually felt something. She felt that feeling that was there 100 years ago. She that feeling that if she were being honest with herself had been there the entire time. She felt it now too. She felt her love for Yoruichi.  
“I love you too Yoruichi. I always have” Suì-Fēng stated finally. She had relaxed her hand with Suzumebachi on it when she heard Yoruichi’s confession. She also had a smile on her face for the first time that day.  
“You… you love me? Even after all I’ve done and everything you’ve been through? You still love me?” Yoruichi’s tears which had long since dried in the conversation started falling again.  
“... Yes I do. I suppose I’m not as empty as I thought. I realize we will have things to work through, but hearing how hard you’ve been on yourself is hard for me to hear. Please don’t make yourself the only one at fault here. I fueled your sadness with my anger. Please forg- mmphh??” Yoruichi succeeded in silencing her. At least she could still do one thing right around her.  
“Don’t blame yourself too hard either. You’re right we will have things to work through but I’m glad to start out on the right foot.” Yoruichi stated after they had parted.  
“Heh, so am I. This is the last time I break.”


End file.
